Beading

iPhone 2009

After 3 years of collecting pictures on my phone, I finally uploaded them (or to be more precise, I finally convinced Sage to upload them).

Brand new baby…

[Pismo beach]

[Out to dinner at Hotel Palomar with grandma, grandpa, Mikey, and Courtney. Damon got passed around the table, everyone got a turn]

[Killing time near the San Jose airport while waiting for our bags to arrive (they didn’t make it onto our flight)]

[Big sister feeds Damon]

[Big night out at the Hollywood Bowl to see Depeche Mode. Grandma babsat the kids]

[After swimming lesson]

[Sitting on the counter at Starbucks. I was working but the hospital was quiet, so I met my Dad, Mikey and Riley down the street for a quick coffee. Good times until my pager went off and I had to run back]

[First ice cream bar ever, yum]

Flower girl

Our good friends Jesse and Ben got married over labor day weekend, and they asked Riley to be a flower girl. I thought it would go smoothly because she’s done it once before for Becky and Tom’s wedding, and because she really likes Ben and Jesse. Unfortunately, things didn’t go quite as planned.

I think Riley is going through a difficult transition right now. She hasn’t been sleeping through the night for the past month or so, and wakes up crying and insisting that we let her sleep in our bed. This is pretty new for her, and we weren’t quite sure what to do about it. At first we tried a variation of the “cry it out” method, which worked really well when she was younger (and resulted in her being a great sleeper until now – with the exception of when she is sick). It was awful, and as soon as we went back to bed she would be up screaming and running into our room again. After a few long exhausting nights with no sign of progress, we decided to try a different tactic. On the 2 previous nights she ended up sneaking either into our room or just outside very quietly and sleeping in a ball on the floor with her teddy bear. Can you imagine anything more heartbreaking? In the morning when I asked her about it she said, “It’s ok! I can use Stella (her bear) as a pillow and if I get cold I just use Stella’s dress!” She would insist that the floor, or even the steps, were more comfortable than her room.

It really seemed to me that she was feeling insecure because of Damon, and wanted to be close to us. So our compromise was to take turns sleeping on the couch outside her room, on the condition that she stay in her room until 7am. We made a wake-up music mix for her that automatically turns on at 7 (like her sleep-mix which automatically turns on at 8:15pm so she knows it’s time to start getting ready for bed). We also came up with rewards – a popcicle if she only gets up once, and icecream if she sleeps through the night. It seems to be partially working – i.e. she only gets up once most nights. Now the reward is a popcicle at breakfest if she makes it through the night… and every night she says she will… and every night she gets up. We’re in the process of making rainbow popcicles with Riley (red=cranberry, orange, yellow=pineapple, green=superfood, blue=blueberry/pomegranate). It takes a long time because each level has to freeze before adding the next level. I’m hoping they will be a good incentive for her.

Being a parent is so hard. We’re constantly discussing new strategies for Riley (meanwhile Damon continues to be an easy to please good sleeper). We seem to have fallen into a “treat” based philosophy recently, which just means Riley expects a treat for doing anything at all. She’s a great negotiator and deal-maker. We’re trying to back-off from the treats (it’s not a treat if you get it everyday) and go back to the days when fruit was considered a decent dessert.

Riley is a great kid. She’s funny and incredibly sweet. She’s also smart – we watch a 5-minute Sesame Street podcast every night before bed called “The word on the street” and she picks up the words and starts using them right away. My Dad and I were doing a puzzle the other day and having a hard time finishing the sky part and Riley said, “This is really… what’s the word? (think think think with one finger in mouth and and other hand twirling hair)… frustrating!” She also throws in predicament, expert, practice, gigantic, mystery, disguise… all words from the podcast. When we want her to do something and she’s busy reading a book she’ll say, “Mommy don’t distract me!” (also from the podcast).

She’s also shy and stubborn, which make for a very frustrating combination.

Which brings me back to being a flower girl. Last time, she panicked last minute and I bribed her with candy and walked along side her (but mostly out of view of the audience) and Sage met her at the end and she did great. This time the set up made that not really possible, plus there was the added combination of everything written above and her being in a clingy Mommy Mommy stage. She was all set to go, knowing she would get candy at the end, but in the last second she would not let go of my hand. I tried to reason with her, but with everyone watching, I knew it would be impossible (probably would have been impossible even without an audience). So I went with her. Everyone laughed, and it seems like it was okay, but I was really disappointed for some reason. After the ceremony she refused to be in a picture with Jesse and Ben unless Sage and I were in it too and no amount of bribery would change her mind. All night everyone kept coming up to Riley and telling her she did a great job, which was kind of annoying. (Actually they would say “You did good!” which drives Sage nuts because he wants her to learn to speak properly and say “You did well”).

I’m not sure why I got so upset. One of my friends pointed out that she is the daughter of me and Sage, how could she not be shy? But still. It’s frustrating.

I want her to be independent and strong. I want her to not be afraid of climbing high or putting her head under water or venturing away from Mom and Dad. I want her to be generous and not have all motives driven by treats. I want her to eat well and be adventurous with new foods. I want her to sleep well.

She’s 3-years old and already I have high expectations.

Later, after the ceremony and just before dinner, Riley and I found a patch of grass to play on by ourselves. The sun was setting and we had a blast running in circles, pretending we were flying with arms stretched wide, falling down and rolling around together on the grass, making up games, giggling. At one point Riley came over and said, “Mommy lets sit down on the grass and hug.” So I sat down, and she crawled into my lap, and we hugged for a long time.

After dinner it was finally time for dancing, Riley’s favorite part. We danced and twirled and jumped together until she was worn out and fell asleep on Sage’s shoulder. We put her down on a couch by the dance floor and covered her with Sage’s coat and she slept peacefully the rest of the evening.

I guess the point of all this is to say I love my girl more than I ever could have imagined. No relationship is ever easy, it would be foolish to expect this one to be. Parenting is a never-ending learning experience, and it seems to get more complicated the older she gets. I’m learning though. Learning to push her just outside her comfort level – like when she said she was too afraid to climb to the top of the climbing structure at the children’s museum. She was almost in tears, but kept going, and she was so proud when she got there. Of course when she climbed back down she told the other kids waiting, “it’s not scary at all!” and wanted to do it again and again. But I’ll love her just the same even if she’s not ready to keep climbing. I love that she loves to dance and sing and play, and that, if given a chance to warm up and feel comfortable, she loves our friends like family. We’ll keep going to swimming lessons, and someday she’ll get her face wet. Who knows when, but I’ll be patient.

8 weeks

Our Damon is 8 weeks old!! Amazing how fast the summer has gone. I was tempted to write “little Damon,” but he’s just so big! Big enough that I think he deserves the “Big D” nickname… (sorry Dallas). Although in reality, we’ve taken to calling him Bubba, or Bubbaloo, or just Bub for short. Suits him well.

[Damon wearing a cute outfit from Julie… supposed to be for 6-9 months, but fits him perfectly… ]

Anyway. We took Damon for his 2 month check-up and the first thing the pediatrician said was, “That’s a big baby!” He’s 23 inches now (50%) and 14lbs 8oz (97%). She says, given his size, he should easily be able to sleep 8 hours in a row at night. She gave us a really great handout on sleep. He’s already a pretty good sleeper, but we both think it’s worth putting in the effort now to make him a great sleeper. With Riley, she slept pretty well early on so we didn’t really worry about forming good sleep habits… and I think we (and she) paid the price later. The doctor (and the handout) suggest putting him in the crib (or bassinet) when he’s drowsy but still awake, and only picking him up again if he actually cries (Damon will occasionally wake up and make a lot of grunting noises, but the pediatrician was right, if we leave him be or just rock the bassinet a bit, he goes right back to sleep). He obviously doesn’t need lots of night-time feedings, so she said try to get it down to just one… The next step is to move his bassinet out of our room (probably just right next door by my desk), which we are working up to.

[nap time with dad]

[grainy iphone pic, but still cute]

2 months means shots… 3 in the leg and one by mouth (rotovirus! That’s new since Riley was born) making for 7 vaccinations in all (some are combined). The nurse here is unfortunately not nearly as good as the one Riley had at this age – she was so fast she could get almost all in before Riley would cry. This nurse took her sweet time while Damon cried louder and harder then I’ve ever heard. Brutal, but totally worth it. He had a bit of a rough day, much harder to console then usual, but the wonders of tylenol really helped.

Apparently a new recommendation is for parents to get vaccinated against pertussis (whopping cough) since the vaccine wears off in adolescence, and babies don’t get vaccinated until they are 1. They had big posters all over the office with Jennifer Lopez on them saying that she got vaccinated to protect her children. I love it! I wish celebrities didn’t have more influence on the public then doctors, but they definitely do in some arenas… nice to see a celebrity promote vaccines for a change.

Last two little things… the doctor laughed at me for being afraid to suck the little boogers out of Damon’s nose (“It’s easy! Just like putting in an NG tube!” um yeah, except it’s my baby, not an adult patient…) I remember Sage’s sister Cheyenne writing about doing it though, so I got over myself and just did it. He hated it, but he does breath better now… Also, his head is a little flat on one side, oopsie. So we’re supposed to fill a sock with rice to keep his head turned to the right while sleeping.

We love our baby boy, he’s such a cutie pie, especially with his rolls of chubbiness. I think he has a really nice demeanor already, and I’m excited to see him grow into a little (big?) boy.

Jason and Joanna’s wedding

When Damon was 4 weeks old we flew up North for Jason and Joanna’s wedding in Monterrey. Originally we thought there was no way we’d be able to make it since it was planned for 2 days after Damon’s due date… but then our little boy came early! When he was about 2 weeks old it suddenly occurred to us that we could probably go. Luckily the bride and groom are flexible, easy-going people who described their wedding as “emphatically family friendly,” so they didn’t seem put out by our very late RSVP.

Unfortunately right before we left I got really sick (mastitis! I even got a fever!! Last time that happened was right after Riley was born. Apparently being a new mother is harder on the body then being a surgical resident. Evil, evil bacteria… I thought I was going to die). Luckily the antibiotics kicked in just in time. We flew to San Jose on Friday afternoon, rented a car, and drove to Monterray. Travelling with 2 kids is definitly more hectic then travelling with one, but we actually got through Damon’s first flight without any major hitches… definitly no meltdowns or crying fits from either kid. We tried to pack light, but of course ended up with a mountain of luggage… which made for an interesting situation when Sage went to pick up the rental leaving me with all the bags and both kids. Seemed like a good idea, until Riley announced she had to use the bathroom. She doesn’t usually give too much forewarning before she really has to go, so we made a spectacle of ourselves carting a suitcase, a big suitbag, riley’s car seat bag and the stroller all the way down to the other end of the baggage claim and up the elevator (of course the close restroom was under construction). Riley was very helpful though, and we made it in time, and it made for a good story when Sage got there with the car.

Friday night there was a dinner at the Asilomar conference center. We ended up seeing more friends then we were expecting, and it was of course great to see Jason and Joanna (who amazingly seemed relaxed and happy). There was also a ton of kids there, so Riley had a great time too. There was music playing, but no one dancing, but that didn’t stop our little dancing fiend…

[Milk in a wine glass, fancy fancy! ]

Saturday we went to the aquarium with Michael/Jewelin/Ciera and Dallas/Vida/Maddox…

(I actually missed the jellyfish because I was feeding Damon, but the pictures and videos look pretty cool)

The wedding was Saturday night, conveniently at the hotel we were staying at. Riley wanted to put a million little clips in her hair…

She also borrowed my necklace. I don’t know why it’s so fun doing hair with Riley and letting her wear my necklace, but it makes me glad to have a little girl. 🙂

The ceremony was outside, and even though it was quite cold, the kids in the audience did very well. There were SO MANY KIDS! It was great. We sat in the back row just in case Damon got noisy (he didn’t) and there was a whole line-up of strollers next to us. Damon slept through the whole ceremony and most of the reception.

[Riley checking on Damon]

The nice thing about sitting in the back is we could see all the kids peeking over their parents’ shoulders…

[Milo]

[Ciara]

[Maddox]

Riley danced up a storm with me at the reception, she’s a party girl! She also had a good time entertaining Maddox playing hide-and-seek (i.e. she would hide under the table, then jump out and Maddox would crack up, he’s such a cutie.)

On Sunday there was a plan to all go to the garlic festival in Gilroy on the way back to San Jose/San Francisco. We made it through the traffic and all the way to a parking spot, before giving up… both kids were sleeping in the back of the car, and everyone outside was slathering on sunscreen and looking hot and sweaty with no shade in site…. We decided to just go home (buying some cherries and pluots on the way). Flight home was easy and uneventful. All in all, it was a great weekend. Damon’s first trip!!

Spanish

This evening I was trying to get Riley to go upstairs with me and get ready for bed… Among other things I said “Vamos!” to which Riley replied, “mommy, why do you say vamos instead of vamanos??” Schooled by a 3-year-old on my Spanish grammer, how embaressing!

TK

Yesterday morning I heard the awful news that our beloved Massachusetts senator Teddy Kennedy had died. Sage and Riley were upstairs getting ready, so I went to tell him the news. We talked about it for a while, then Riley broke in to ask what we were talking about. I explained that a really nice really great man had died, and that we were very sad about it. She thought for a while then sad in a tiny little voice, “is only his bones left and all his skin and everything else gone?” I said no, not yet, then asked how she knew about that. She said, “daddy told me about it when we went to the museum and saw the dinosaurs,” referring of course to when we went to the natural history museum months ago and saw the dinosaur skeletons. Amazing how little kids minds work.

(I hope this post isn’t in any way offensive… Kennedy dying before healthcare reform could be passed is just so sad. I hope we can still make him proud and get something meaningful passed in his memory)

Swimming lesson

Riley started swimming lessons a few weekends ago. Saturday morning at 9:30 you’ll find the UCLA family pool filled with parents and kids aged 2-5 that span the range from totally comfortable dunking under the water to petrified to leave the steps. Riley falls closer to the latter. I got to take her this week and she did really well! They have floating noodles to wrap around the kids and let them float. Riley usually has one arm firmly wrapped around sage or my neck in a vice grip. This week she finally let go and held on to the noodle and floated on her own. When she realized I wasn’t holding on to her she had a mix of extreme excitement and sheer panic and made me hold her again. She also did some kicking around the pool for the first time. At the end of the lesson I told her I was really proud of her. She said, “thank you. Wha aye mama.” (which means “I love you” in Chinese, spelling is a total guess on my part but that’s what it sounds like when she says it) Could she be any cuter??

One of the parents in the daycare has started doing “Chinese time” a couple days a week with the kids. They sing songs in Chinese and read books… Riley really likes it and he says she’s a very good student. She seems to enjoy learning in general. I figure as long as there is no pressure, learning will continue to be fun…

Right now I am sitting outside (blogging from my iPhone for the first time!) watching Riley plant seeds with grandma. They planted sunflower seeds last weekend and every day they go up to the roof and check on them. We are in the midst of a major garden overhaul which means there is dirt and stones and sand everywhere… Riley’s dream come true. She can play outside with her shovel and cups for hours.

She’s just a lot of fun. I wish I could remember all the funny things she says and record them here, but they don’t seem as funny out of context. I guess we need to break out the video camera more often…

(haven’t figured out how to add pictures from my iPhone yet… next time!)

6 weeks!

Our little Damon is now 6 weeks old! Amazing how time flies. Everyday he seems bigger and more alert. He likes to look around, especially at lights, but seems to really study people’s faces too. He’s discovered his voice and does cry these days, but is still relatively easy to console with the usual combination of dancing/bouncing/swinging. Sometimes he just wants to be held and will cry again if put down (like right now he’s passed out on my chest, but I bet would wake up if transfered to the couch or swing to sleep). At night he’s relatively good still, but has started fussing in the early hours, and every now and then will have a bad night where it seems like he wants to eat every hour. A few nights in a row like that and I’m destroyed since I don’t really nap during the day (off to class!). Luckily Damon has a fantastic Dad. Sage is super helpful at night which is amazing. And my Mom has just started taking Damon in the morning so we can sleep a little longer (he tends to fuss around 6am).

We’ve experienced the famed little boy pee fountain on the changing table more then a few times already (turn around for a second and next thing you know he’s peeing all the way up to his head. quite impressive). As a result Damon has taken many baths. Seems like a waste to fill our entire bathtub for such a little boy, so I decided to try the bathroom sink (conveniently right next to the changing table). He fit perfectly the first couple times! So easy.

He rapidly became too big though. Oh well. He seems to love the bath. He’ll be crying on the changing table then immediately stop when put in warm water. In the big bath i just hold my hand under his head and he paddles his little hands and feet around totally content. Have to admit, I already have high hopes he’ll be a water baby… I LOVED the water when I was a kid, no fear, so it’s kind of sad that Riley is so afraid. She’s taking lessons now though, so hopefully she’ll come around. Especially now that we bought her pink goggles (Riley’s all about the gimmick to get her to do new things).

Riley is getting better and better at holding Damon, and is really into being a big sister/mommy. Lucy (her daycare teacher) says she often carries a baby doll around with her all day. She loves to do “school work” (remember those activity pages where you trace the letters or numbers and do a little activity? she’s a big fan) and Lucy says she now does them with her little baby doll in one arm and pencil in the other. Multitasker already. Wonder where she learned that from? 🙂 At home she sometimes pretends to nurse her babies and animals (“My baby is hungry and i can’t find her bottle… but it’s ok, I can just feed her from the boob”)

Big D

Damon had his 2 week check up on Wednesday. It was very uneventful and quick (“Baby looks good! You know what you’re doing right? Any questions? Ok, see you in 6 weeks!” Literally, it was about that fast. I guess that’s how a “well baby check-up” should go). Damon now weighs 8 lbs 6 oz, which means he gained a whole pound in one week. He definitely looks chunkier… not the skinny baby we brought home from the hospital. I no longer have any worries about him eating enough, so we decided to stop setting an alarm to wake up and feed him at night. He’s still sleeping well, waking up once or twice at night to eat (but not crying, just making noises till I wake up). I’m not sure how we got so lucky to have an easy-going baby… can’t help feeling like it’s not going to last though. (So I wrote all that a few days ago… and now Damon is keeping us awake more in the early hours of the morning. Not crying, just making a lot of grunting type noises. colic?)

Four feels like a real family. Not that we weren’t a family before, but it’s different with 4. Sage and I have fallen into a nice tag-team type approach to getting ready in the morning and at night. Sometimes we do it solo (like if one of us really needs to sleep late), but mostly we all eat breakfast and get ready together. Riley pretty consistently wakes us up at 6:45am and climbs into bed next to me to snuggle a bit. So much nicer then an alarm clock (especially an alarm clock that goes off at 4:15am when it’s still dark outside…not really missing working in the hospital I have to say).

Riley’s getting better at holding Damon, but it’s still a little precarious at times. She wants to hold him ALL THE TIME, but will settle for frequent hugs instead when he’s sleeping or eating…

Balancing Damon and my classes is a bit challenging, but still working out ok. As I write this he is passed out on my chest, which is pretty much how I get most of my reading done. It’s hard to put him down… pretty much whenever I’m home, I’m holding him (or letting someone else hold him). He’s so sweet and cuddly, it’s hard to be away from him. And I remember from last time that the newborn baby phase passes really quickly… so I want to make it last.

Th grandparents have been doing a lot of childcare for us…